Creepy behavior, for men or women, can cause great distrust in those around you. While you can disagree with the stupidity of the average person, lashing out will do little to help you. I know this from personal experience, but don’t think that I’m some kind of loser. They say what lasts longest in relationships is pain, so getting into one is a waste of time. You’ll get what you want, the desire then fades away, but after that, it’s all down hill from there. You’ll fear losing your loved one without appreciating them, so what gives? I just want to help you if you’re either looking for to get laid or not. If you want to be alone, you’ll be stroking that bone. I’m going to list the best ways to not get laid. Take it as you will, but try not to take it too seriously.
1. Have Poor Manners
One of the best ways to not get laid is to have poor manners. Having sloppy or smelly manners is a surefire way to avoid getting laid. Be it intentional or not, being aware of how you’re acting can make a big difference. Now, some women or men may like an asshole or what have it, but generally speaking, having decent manners is the best for most. This means not being offensive in some way that would cause your problems. The only problem is that people always want something a little different. If you keep the manners good though, you’ll find it easier and the best route to get laid. Again, you can always do the opposite if you want to avoid not getting laid.
You want to “sleep” with someone, right? You do, but we know what you mean when you say it. Sleeping with someone is a good way to have a one-night stand and not get laid after that. This is a likely probability.
If you’re a man, having good manners involves holding the door open for a woman. Even if this is somewhat cliched, it does not mean that it does not help. If you’re looking to avidly avoid getting laid, be it the ugly chick or otherwise, you need to avoid doing anything productively good mannered. Be sure to show up smelling like shoe stains and farting, because it’s a good way to waste your time. If you don’t want to get laid because of your “chick magnet” status, you will find this item to help. To end, telling a “hot” chick that her buns are damp pancakes, you’re likely to not get laid. Unless you like those buns flat, you wouldn’t want that anyway, right? Eh, desperate times and such … .
2. Don’t Go Out and Be Crazy
A great way to not get laid is to avoid going out entirely. Staying in, while fun, will guarantee that you don’t have sex with anyone. This applies to social media or even talking with people, because nowadays, you can send a message and have someone arrive at your house. I would say that this is the hardest route to getting laid, but it can still work. All of this aside, if you avoid communication with the outside world, you will find that you cannot fornicate. Maybe you’ll be able to use lefty and righty, but that’s about it. If this is your ultimate goal, then becoming a misanthropic recluse is your best bet. This can be accomplished by understanding the stupidity of the human race and adopting an antisocial and reclusive mentality.
If an (enter opposite sex here) approaches you after being a strange weirdo, avoid them at all costs. It’s the name of the game. You’re the goat in your own head, so don’t let yourself down… ever. It’s simply a matter of perspective.
Acting like a crazy psychopath with no remorse or feelings will also help you get laid. Some people, especially girls, are into that, but it generally drives them away. Sitting in a room all day and learning how to become a creeper who wants chicks but doesn’t want to get laid helps. Being a shut-in is a great way to avoid being around the opposite (or same) sex. Just adopt a sociopathic personality, and you’ll be off to the races in not getting lucky … or laid. If you want to take it a step further, just open your window and stare at chicks as they walk on by. They’ll be sure to avoid you and talk about you with their friends. This will get those pesky ladies off your back for good. Hey, I have to be inclusive, so don’t get mad at me.
3. Don’t Bathe and Be Ugly
Do you like smelling like feces? I didn’t think so, but if you want to, that’s on you. One of the best ways to help you get laid is by bathing, but if you don’t want to bathe, good for you. You may get luck and find a dumpster fire you can get lucky in, although this is unlikely. It’s your prerogative to do as you please, just understand that there are consequences for not washing up. Smelling like either bologna or canned tuna is a great way to get the ladies and gentlemen to steer clear of the mess you’ve become. Maybe you have always been this way, but maybe, it also does not matter. As we can all see, some of the homeliest people alive get that special luck of the draw without even trying. In the end, it’s up to you to take that nasty chance.
It works to go out after giving yourself a black eye, but this may garner sympathy. Unfortunately, you have to be lucky in this regard, having to hit the jackpot in the homely lottery.
If you’re lucky enough to be ugly, you won’t have a problem not getting laid. When I say luck, I mean lucky to those who don’t want to get a man or woman. I guess it can also be seen as bad luck, considering you may only not want to get laid because of spite out of being ugly. I mean, there are some chicks with moods that will make them want an ugly guy, but that’s not true ugliness.
If you have the personality to back it up, then you may be in luck, but it’s never truly enough. If you are intelligent, you understand that being butt-ugly makes it all the easier. There are ways to go out and convince people that you’re ugly, especially if you’re looking long-term. It does not make much sense going out and actively trying to not get laid, but it can certainly help and hurt you.
4. Send Dick Pics and Gain Fat
Sending salacious pictures can help you avoid getting laid. This one mostly applies to guys, but it can apply to women, too. It’s a great way to just get off by whacking it a few times before losing interest in each other. It may cause the woman to find interest in you, but the relationship usually gets cut short when they guy loses interest. You have to build up the relationship, not destroy it right at the gates. A guy sending a dick pic to a chick is not the best way to get in a girl’s pants. Also, as a side not, did you know that being overweight does not help you get laid? All of those love handle and crab flabs will help people distance themselves from you. If you want this, start eating the twinkies, whoppers, and smelly bungholes.
If you send a dick pic when you’re fat, it’s a win-win. You can show your wiener, but no one can see it, and you can show your Swiss roles, too.
While many of you think that this expedites the experience of getting laid, it really does not. Showing your junk is a signal of weakness, and thus, it makes it easier to stay alone. Does it make sense as to what this whole thing is about now? Shoving your can of tuna into a guys nostrils is a great preemptive warning for him to know if he should avoid you. The more a woman wants sex, the less interested a guy may become. I think it may be something about the “chase” being an exciting part of the ride. If you just offer up your roast beef sandwich, a guy will likely leave you alone… like you want.
5. Lack Confidence and Fun
See, all of the things on this list rely on synergy from the other items. If you lack confidence, you’ll find that your ability to have sex with another human being goes down. Showing that you’re loud and proud is way too much for people anyway. It’s too much of a challenge to show strength in your opinion or motivation in your resolve. Confidence isn’t only about showboating, but some people think of it that way. You don’t have to be arrogant and aggressive, but those things can hurt or help, too. Also, living with your mom is a great way to kill the confidence. You’ll be considered a mama’s boy, and this a great way to get the women to run.
Showing that you’re fun and confident, and it’s one of the best ways to get laid. If you’re looking for a good time in bed, you should show it without the arrogance. Arrogance is only something some guys can get away with. If you want to do the aggressive act, you have to do it right. This is part of being confident no one tells you about. Being an jackass is not being an overt jerk(off). If you have a history of being quiet, the loud bootyhole routine will hurt you. If you’re quiet and nice, that’s even worse. Now you’re just strange, and that means that the so-called a-hole will win no matter what. Show some emotional intelligence and subtlety. The idiot can get away with it and not even try.
If you’re a Debbie downer, then do what does you best. Telling someone that you like to just kind of sit around all day is a great way to leave you to stroke. Stroking is great exercise, but it’s nothing to mention if you want to get laid. If you’re trying to show off your Popeye arms or one day world-record for number of times masturbated, you’ll fail. If this is what you want, that’s great, but if it’s not, that sucks. Just don’t be thinking she’ll be sucking your lightning rod that evening. If she does, you better run, because she’s crazy … unless you like it. If you’re not into rock-climbing and skateboarding, you won’t be hitting that hash pipe. Do you understand? Yes, all women love skate boarders and hikers, so if you just stay in, you’ll narrowly escape those pussy lips.
6. Have No Money and Laziness
If you want to not get laid, just blow all of your money on porn or (friends) hookers, and you’ll certainly find it hard to get laid … . Not only will you not be able to afford going out, you won’t be able to afford buying your lover candy or flowers. If you show and tell anyone that you have no money, it’s a definite turnoff. You’ll be relegated to the loser’s circle without even batting an eyelash. All those guys thinking that their disability check is going to get the chicks flocking is also foolish. The girl will find out, so be sure to avoid having money if you don’t want to get laid. Does this all make sense?
Show your lover a bunch of ones, and you’ll find out if they’re the one. If you can’t take anyone out on a date, you will stay alone. If a woman has to pay for you, you will be alone. You have to be emotionally intelligent and pick up on social queues. If you don’t, you’ll get what you want and deserve. In addition to this, laziness will get you to not score. This ties in with having no money. If you live in a basement and play video games all day, you will not get laid. The best way to do this is simply live at your mom’s house. Bring this up in a conversation, and you will be rejected hard… like you want it, freak.
If you can’t at least show your lover you can buy him/her a drink, then you’re likely going to turn them away from you. Yeah, even guys find problem with this now, considering most guys are turning into chicks nowadays, it’s not surprising. Because going on a date is a great way to break the ice, if you fear asking a woman out because you can’t afford a cheap coffee date, you’re screwed. I guess you wouldn’t be screwed, but if it’s coffee, they’ll probably just avoid you because of thinking you’re destitute. Being poor sucks, but if you can’t afford it and are selfish and alone, it’s a great way to avoid getting laid. Let the fear control you as much as possible.
7. Lying, Cheating, and Overthinking
Being found out to be a liar is not a great start to any kind of relationship. Lying is the foundation for being alone, and if you want to avoid having sex, you will find little difficulty in getting by when being a liar. Being a liar about everything in your life is a great way to distance yourself from others. By association, you’ll be cleared from having anything to do with anyone. This can be seen as a benefit, and it’s a great way to end a relationship the long way. No longer will you have to deal with the obligations of others, even though you weren’t doing it to begin with.
Even if you’re a 10 on the attractiveness scale, you’ll often find the opposite sex finding less attractive people better. Maybe they don’t like the burden of a super sexy beast like you on their backs. Overthinking is bad, because it often gets in the way. Just understand that you can find better, and not everyone has the same tastes. Sometimes, they’re only trying to piss you off.
Cheating is also another part of lying that can help. This creates distrust, and if others find out, you’ll probably be at the bushes. Cheating may not be entirely related to lying, but it’s otherwise not cheating. Unless you and your hand hand are into some kind of sick role-play, there’s no way around it. If you want to produce a bad outcome for yourself, go for it, but don’t say I didn’t tell you so. Also, if you’re prone to overthinking everything, you’re likely to screw everything up. Pointing out how nervous you are is a great way to not get laid … but it works sometimes. Finding the best ways to not get laid are hard, but it’s easier than getting laid.
8. Neuter Yourself
You don’t have to cut your own balls or ovaries off/out, you just have to jerk it all day. A nice way to not get laid and not want to is to spank the monkey. If you’re already looking to do this or avoid pussy for any other reason, it’s the way to go. However, if you happen to neuter yourself, you will find a way to not get laid, period. You can still stick the cock in the hole, but it won’t be a desire anymore. It’s a great way to not want to get laid and to not get laid, especially if you’re super sexual. If you’re asexual, it probably does not make a lick of difference. So, get on all fours and howl like a wolf.
I should also mention that if you don’t have a dog, you’re far less likely to get laid. When you walk into a bar with a dog, you’re nearly 100 percent likely to get a girls pants wet. If you don’t want to get laid, yeah, just go in by yourself. Having a dog is an easy conversation starter. There are some sick puppies out there, but telling them to go doggy is a good way to rupture your chances.
Also, did I mention that women like circumcised penises more than foreskins? If you get drunk at a bar, show everyone your impressive circumcised penis. They’ll be so impressed that they’ll walk away in fear. I’m sure they’ll find it appealing, but it won’t get you laid. Keep the cock show to the bedroom, bathroom … kitchen. Just keep the creep show at the house. No one else wants to see your massive six inch penis, except at the house … maybe. If you want to get laid, be sure to keep it to yourself. If you don’t make sure to embarrass yourself in humiliating fashion, you may walk home with a lady in your arms.
9. Being Selfish and an Asshole/Nice Guy
This all kind of ties in with having bad manners, but it’s distinct in it’s own right. Depending on the shituation, you can find yourself with different people being an asshole or nice guy. The definitions are pretty tight, but some people take things differently. You need to come home or go out making your “loved one” think that you’re having an affair. Some people like the nice guy and some like the asshole — it’s a matter of personal taste. Being nice is quite nice, but if it seems fake, you’ll be seen as a potential abuser. Dumb guys get off easy, because they don’t even have to try hard at being an asshole at all.
Being the nice guy comes off as fake and tryhard. If you want to avoid this stereotype, you have to go for the gusto and act as natural as possible. To avoid getting laid, you must be a simp and incel.
Overthinking things does not help you get laid, so be sure to write this one down. Getting yourself into an unsteady state of mind to cause confusion and delirium is a great way to not get laid. Snorting paint thinners and keyboard cleaner is not recommended though. Simply putting on an act of silly stupidity will get you to not get laid, so avoid it if you’re looking for a good time. Knowing that you can take what’s yours without getting it because you were rejected is an amazing feeling. Sharing your selfish and self-entitled energy with your friends at the pub is a great way to incidentally not get laid.
10. Don’t Have a Job and Lack Skills
If you’re really looking to dry up those panties, telling a chick that you don’t have a job is a winner. Not working is not only the best way to not have money, it’s the best way to be alone. This kind of ties in with the not having money, but they’re separate. Telling a lovely lady that you work online or at a McDonald’s will do the trick, too. Most women like guys that work in corporate settings or outside where they can get a tan. If you don’t come home with coke on your nose and your tie in a twist, you won’t get laid. See, I’m just trying to tell you how the world works, too.
Since most women expect everything to be done for them, you have to make sure that you have something to offer. Yeah, oftentimes, it’s somehow not good enough, but that makes it easier to not get laid for you. Don’t worry, they’ll come back to you some day … when they’re sixty.
Showing that you’re a try-hard with no practical skills or common sense is also amusing. If you don’t know what you’re doing and act clueless, this typically turns people off, especially women. If you don’t know how to change a tire, that’s also a great way to avoid getting laid. Unless you’re in the wrong group, be keen to what you’re looking for. Make sure to show that you’re completely incapable of doing anything. Looking to get laid, it’s not always necessary, but it’s always worth a try to show some skill. If all you’re doing is penetrating awkward energy, you’ll be screwed. Not in the good way, but the bad/good way. Try to walk in after a coke binge … see what happens.
Additional (The Best Ways to Not Get Laid)
Married Housewife or Husband (The Best Ways to Not Get Laid)
Having affairs with women, especially in a parking lot, is a great way to not get laid. Now, we’re talking about an inability to get laid in the long run. You’ll have to go around their schedule, and often times, you won’t be able to meet. Because she or he is often going back to the house to hide their dirty deeds, you’ll be left in the dark. They’ll trip their way to appease every party, but they only end up pleasing themselves in the end. If the time you have with them is only relegated to after work in parking lot, it’s a great way to not get laid all the time. Just look at “getting laid” in a slightly different way with this one. If you have a sadomasochistic side, go for this way to not get laid.
Don’t Do Drugs (The Best Ways to Not Get Laid)
Depending on the person you’re trying to be with, doing or not doing drugs may come in handy. What we’re realizing here is that anything can work depending on the people you’re around. There are some set rules, but not everything, big or small, is set in solid stone. If you’re around “cool” kids, not doing drugs will be a boner killer. These are the people you want to have sex with. If you’re around a bunch of squares, you want to not do drugs. Some so-called squares enjoy romping on drugs without telling you. This is a queue to hide your drug use until you know for sure that they’re into it. See, it all depends, especially with this one.
Long-Distant Relationships (The Best Ways to Not Get Laid)
In a different sense of the same topic, a long-distance relationship is a great way to not get laid. You’re beholden to one person… maybe, but you’re not getting laid with them. The point is that you’re not getting laid and you don’t want to. If you want to have a relationship and not get laid, long-distance relationships are a great way to go. Not only will your loved one cheat, it’ll give you both an excuse to leave the relationship. This is often called “ghosting”, where the man and/or woman will just go away without a peep.
Be a Nerd (The Best Ways to Not Get Laid)
Being one of the self-entitled nerds or wannabe smart people can help you not get laid. If you want to grab your glasses and not the pussy, you have to show it. Talking about your favorite video game and Einstein quote is a surefire way to not have sex. Even if the girl may find it amusing, she will walk away as dry as an un-sucked whistle.
