Having sex is known to be fun and cathartic, but wouldn’t you love to make it better? You probably don’t even know what real sex is all about, but you can NOW. Having sex is like commanding a play or performing a work of art … you must avoid passing gas. The science of sex is supposed to be therapeutic, not nasty or disgusting; be sure to give it your all. This isn’t easy though, so you have to put in the effort, even if you don’t feel like it. No one said that it was going to be easy, so you have to make sure that your shaft and holes are prepared for a beating. I’m going to list the the 10 amazing ways to improve your sex life.
Ah, get ready, because it’s sexy time.
Regardless, please consult with your doctor before following any of this advice. I will not be held liable for you having a good time or cutting your own nuts off. I’m not here to try and make your sex life better based on my own experiences … .
The 10 Amazing Ways to Improve Your Sex Life
1. Wear a Condom (The 10 Amazing Ways to Improve Your Sex Life)
You don’t want to worry about making a woman pregnant, now do you? See, this isn’t only aimed at men, it’s aimed at women as well. The woman does not want to become pregnant either, unless she loves babies. Now, if you get rid of the dirty condom you have on your bone, as mentioned below, you can put a sanitary condom on. This will ensure less abrasion and more pleasure because of the lack of an additional skin-condom on your penile organ. Women, get to simply enjoy the effects of this, but they can wear condoms, too. If you want to worry about STDs, then go for it, bud, but it won’t be fun. Not only do venereal diseases cause future problems, they can cause more serious problems as well.
As long as you bring the extra large condoms, she’ll be convinced of your large wiener, even if it happens to be small. Over 99 percent of men have a penis shorter than seven inches. Chances are, your woman has never seen a cock you may see in porn. Women are bullshitters too, so don’t buy everything they open their mouths about. Also, raw-dogging via bareback sex is great for pleasure, but it’ll not pay off in the end. You’ll have to pay for it in the end, and I’m not just talking about a hooker. Don’t go the way of Bareback Mountain… .
If you want to make babies, that’s your prerogative, but I wouldn’t recommend it. If you want your sex to go completely down the crapper, go right ahead, but it’ll suck your life away. Knowing the woman’s time of month is also a great help, considering most men don’t even know what a PMS or period is anyway. The woman, however, will have little desire for sex at other times of the month. If she met you during her “off-time,” she’ll probably go and find a more manly dude to screw during this time. Be prepared for the breakup or “the talk” about additional sex partners opening up, especially if you “came” at the wrong time. This is where an understanding of sexual transmitted diseases comes in real handy.
2. Lose the Foreskin (The 10 Amazing Ways to Improve Your Sex Life)
As silly as it sounds, the foreskin is a piece of hide that is lumped over the head of your dick. Now, if you’re already circumcised, you don’t need to worry about this one; you can still read and understand that it’s a benefit and how it is so. Hey, it’s also an added benefit that women generally prefer the circumcised penis for sodomy and vaginal penetration. Not to mention, women also like the appearance of the circumcised penis over the uncircumcised penis. Not only is there less pain, there’s more pleasure and sensitivity.
The Jewish people essentially created the surgical procedure for cleanliness reasons. Even if it’s for religious or “traditional” reasons, it does not mean that it’s harmful; it’s only a surgery. It’s not genital mutilation the same way that having an ear piercing or C-section aren’t. What do people mean when they say this? Oh, right — nothing. At least you’d have to be all for C-sections if you don’t want to “harm” the baby, but this would make actual sense. Would you rather have it tight or floppy, guys?
This is another thing to mention: You’re essentially having sex with your own foreskin. Even if this sounds like a joke, it’s not. A circumcised penis is a better penis, even if you think otherwise based on the online propaganda websites saying otherwise. To end this off, yeah, it’s an old practice, but the foreskin is older, so what now? Is it now too new or not Nazi-nature enough for you? Get over yourselves, everyone.
Stop being those guys that pretends to be circumcised or thinks that they’re worse off for being such a way. You’re not winning any morality or modesty points here. Yes, you must understand that the circumcised penis is actually the future of penile bones. Are you still running around in pricker bushes or having ticks bite your testicles? It’s not the same as female genital mutilation, so go have more pain during sex elsewhere, my friends.
The funny thing is that most women and the men don’t even know what the foreskin is. They’ve even done studies on men who think they don’t have a foreskin when they do have one and vice versa. The glans penis is the actual sensitive part of the penis, and as it’s exposed more often on a circumcised penis, you enjoy entering and exiting the vaginal hole more. The foreskin is less sensitive than the tip of your eyelid, being the least sensitive soft-skin tissue on the body. It functions as a piece of leather and does little but protect the head with irritable nerve-endings and creating bacteria, smegma, and slime.
Once your child is here, you have to do what’s right, and I’d say that circumcision is not wrong. Stop pulling the foreskin out of your ass by saying that people who defend circumcision are starting the argument. We’re not saying much beyond addressing your invasive insults. It’s not the head of your penis, and it’s still better getting it done later on than not at all. You can’t argue with the studies… unless you want to lose. If you like an extra condom on your cock, have at it, hoss.
The only time the foreskin had any sensitivity was during infancy, which is the ideal time to get it taken care of. They also use general anesthetic to make sure they’re okay. Are you asking about the rigged band? Oh, yeah, the rigged band is barely a real thing. It’s only on some foreskins, and it serves no useful function, minus the lack of fun it provides. The circumcision scar serves the same function without that piece of tarp over the cock.
3. Date Hotter Chicks and Have Orgies and Threesomes
We’ve all heard about this one before. If you want those strong and powerful orgasms, you have to find hotter mates to have sex with. The hotter they are, the harder you ejaculate. Yeah, that’s an actual fact, even if you think that I’m being a big joker and pecker killer here. There’s a time and a place for those love partners, but that’re not always going to be that hot chick, so get through as many as possible before you meet “the one.” Not only will you be better at banging, you’ll also be able to tell her or him all sorts of great stories. There’s nothing like making love while talking about your previous girlfriend. Your current chick will dig it and find it hot as fuck.
Being a voyeur can be fun, but be sure you’re not the jealous type.
Another thing you can give a try is an orgy. Sex orgies are said to be something where you can go from one partner to the next in one night. It can occur in the same room, or you can go from one mansion room to the next. It’s essentially a massive sex dungeon where you can pull down your britches and get to work on any number of people. It’s a great way to get practice for that special someone you’ve been eyeing through the binoculars out your front window. I’d just recommend that you know who you’re shoving it into before you fully engage, so at least ask their name. If not, get their past sexual record or driver’s license to make sure they’re good for goose and gander.
4. Find Someone You Love (The 10 Amazing Ways to Improve Your Sex Life)
Instead of going out and banging every chick there is and getting bored, you should, at least at some point, find a long-term partner. Be it life-long or anything longer than a month, you want to make sure that you’re ready for bed. This isn’t to say that you should fall asleep before you climax, but your partner will occasionally appreciate your skill to fall asleep on command. If you make them laugh, you simply have to ask if they are laughing at dry or wet humor.
Finding a loved one is important, even if it is just your lefty and righty. Sometimes incorporating the hands is a highly appreciated skill to learn. You may even be able to join the circus.
Finding a deeper connection always makes sex more passionate and intriguing. Not only will you have better sex, the sex will bring a better relationship. Keeping them around can be hard, so you have to bring the A-game and interest all of the time. You don’t want to be the guy fucking prostitutes after his wife left him. Banging the bar-side street hooker is fun, but it’s a short-term fling. Unless you both love doing crack-cocaine, I wouldn’t recommend attempting that as a long-term relationship. Practice on them from time to time, but going full cracker-head is probably not going to be the best thing for you. It’ll certainly not be good for you long-term, especially for your reputation.
5. Exercise and Improve Your Self-Esteem
Yeah, you’ve got to hit the gym to enjoy sex at it’s best. Not only will you get laid faster and easier, you’ll enjoy having those bigger muscles to put your partner in their place. Knowing how to smack that booty when it counts is a great exercise, but it’s also something strengthened with exercise. Sex is also an exercise, but you want to do this before you have sex, so hip thrusts help, too. You want to have that pump action ready for when you really mean business.
Watching and groping girls at the gym is not highly recommended. In fact, it’s not recommended at all. An attempted molestation of a female at the gym is a surefire way of getting your balls kicked or cut off.
However, if you can get it on fairly often, and you don’t mind being an amateur go for it. I wouldn’t recommend skipping your next chance to get laid, so use it as practice. If you don’t really need it, it’s even better. There’s always exercises you can do on your own on your bed, so give it a try as well. Not only this, getting some cardio can really help in bed, too. You’ll not only be in better shape, you’ll be able to perform better and fall asleep faster after the act. Getting those endorphins going makes for a great stimulant during the act of intercourse.
6. Have a Diet and Eat Celery
You have to eat, right? Well, if you eat, you’ll more than likely have a massive load. Those guys that enjoy massive cum loads are often said to eat their vegetables. If you eat your veggies, you’ll have more semen. You won’t want to splooge on your noodles or spray your peroxide, but the best way to neuter your nuts is a bad diet. I wouldn’t call spitting in your partner’s mouth a sexy way to greet them, let alone greeting a new lover. Spitting or swallowing is the latest debate. I would only recommend swallowing to anyone unless you want those extra testosterone points. Also, with the knockers — don’t suck the breasts off. That shouldn’t be a part of your diet.
My name is Pete, and I’m gonna skeet, skeet, skeet. Would you like dressing on your salad? Hookers are okay, just be sure they’re not toxic.
There’s also a thing that’s unspoken, but you shouldn’t be eating beans, brussels sprouts, or any kind of farty foods before sex, unless you have some kind of weird fecal fetish. Heinie fetishes are fairly hard to come by, but they’re still a thing, so be careful the freak you may be dealing with. The buttocks and punani police are always watching, so be wary of that. Eating flatulence or asking your partner to do it is highly NOT recommended. You’ll find that it does not taste as good as you thought it would, even if you’re “in the mood.” Trust me, it’s nasty, and shit on the dick is even nastier. You’ll find that the woman you once thought was hot is no longer a looker. A great distaste of her (or him) will soon loom over you.
Do you want that huge load that penetrates the woman’s head at lightening speeds? Be sure to block her poon like you’re watching a cartoon. Just be sure not to cock-block — it’s a horrible thing.
The one thing you must eat is celery. From my deep understanding and knowledge on the subject, it allows you to have longer and deeper orgasms. Not only this, it allows you to shoot your load extremely far. So, if you’re looking to avoid being a drooler, I’d highly recommend it. This along with the ketogenic diet and intermittent fasting are great way to go for it. Eating loads and loads of meat will probably not help you, so try a vegetarian or vegan diet. You’ll not only live longer, but you’ll also have higher quality sperm. Oh, and drink loads of water … just cause. You know, so you can pee in her pussy. Poon juice is hard to come by, so lubricating with pre-cum or pee-pee is a great way to get those walls wet.
7. Take Some Time Off and Avoid Porn
Even though watching porn can make you better in bed somehow, it does not mean that you should not take some time off. Watching porn all the time can drain the lizard a little too dry, if you know what I’m saying. Giving your penis or vagina some clean time is always a good way to step it up, especially for next time. So, be sure to give your cock a bowtie or vagina a vaginal cleanse for the next big game. Don’t give in to porn, because before long, you’ll be jerking or stuffing it to god knows what. Giving yourself a break from your sexual orientation, gender or sexual interest will give you time to think. This thinking will help you appreciate love that much more.
The more you watch porn, the more you may compare yourself to someone who has a better life than you.
Don’t screw with your expectations, no pun intended. Have realistic goals with realistic expectations. Don’t think that you’re going to make this woman ooze pleasure because you finally came into her life. Women and probably even gay dudes know that this is fake. I’m sure straight guys know this as well, because I’ve picked up on it from women. Women don’t typically pull this as much, at least not as abashedly so. Take a break, and give yourself some time to use your imaginations. Your imagination is just as good if not better than sloppy old porn. The more you do this, the better you’ll be, trust me.
The 10 Amazing Ways to Improve Your Sex Life
8. Masturbate Often to Improve Testosterone
Yeah, you need to pump the iron a bit to make sure that you don’t lose your game. Also, having sex or masturbating often helps prevent prostate cancer, too. This one should not be too hard to figure out because releasing the beast is the best way to mobilize the sperm. In addition to this, you get a great arm workout and pump from this, making your forearms even bigger and stronger. All of this coalesces to better performance in bed and elsewhere. Don’t worry, you’ll have your chance to grab and suck on her breasts later on. She isn’t your mommy, but you can role-play and act like she is. Let her testes nuts before going all in.
The more you jerk it, the more you’re winding your clock. If you want to do it right, when you happen to masturbate, do it a lot. I wouldn’t do it like that guy that died from over-masturbating though.
A fleshlight may be of great use during this time. They come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. If you’re feeling dark, you can get a black one, and if you’re feeling granny, you can get a loose one. The last think you want or need is disappointment. A sex robot is great, but you can only get so much in return. I’d rather wear rubber as a condom than a robot pussy or hand. The more you can get off the better, and it’s probably a good sign that you’re sexually healthy. Just be sure that there’s no blood in your semen, because that is not good AT ALL. Another last thing that you need is losing your nuts from cancer or testicular torsion.
The 10 Amazing Ways to Improve Your Sex Life
9. Take Manly Supplements
If you want to have amazing sex, make sure to bring the party. Supplements are a great way to say “sup” to your partner. Not only will that anti-psychotic medication bring you to life, it’ll make your harder longer. This applies to the hot chicks you bang, too. Sometimes taking a shit-ton of psychedelics and molly will come in handy as well, just be sure to clean up afterwards. Connecting with your partner on a “deeper” level is always important, so taking that horny goat weed is essential. Mixing these with some DMT will create the slime of your life, and doing it with salvia is even sexier. You’ll be like a voyeur, watching you have sex with her or him from her or his perspective or yours.
“Try an intense but interesting drug cocktail that includes a mixture of psychedelics, stimulants, steroids, and virility drugs. It’ll kill you, but it’ll give you the most insane rush and orgasm before you pass away. You couldn’t find a better way to get your groove on before you die … if you have the chance.” ~ Michael Hutchence
If you want to go down the rabbit hole and never return, injecting HRT into your veins is probably the way to go. Not only will it shrink your testicles, especially at high doses, it’ll ensue the grapes of wrath. Your dong will look bigger, and the chick(s) will enjoy it even more. Viagra, on the other hand, is a great virility drug to help with impotence, especially if you can’t get a hard-on. Women like girth more than length, but if you’re packing in both directions with your erections, that’s great. It doesn’t matter if you’re a shower or a grower, as long as you know that where it counts is when you’re ready for action.
The 10 Amazing Ways to Improve Your Sex Life
10. Use Foreplay and Experiment
Knowing how to please a woman (or man) as a man or woman is a great way to make sure that you’ll enjoy your time “in bed” or “sleeping with” the other person. Yes, sleep is a major factor in having a night out or slumber party, but what’s with the euphemisms? Do we have to use such shite language to make our points about screwing some lovely lass? You need these silly little word games the same way you don’t need foreplay. I’m no saying that you have to partake in golden showers or peeing in each other’s mouths, but anything else is a no go. Yeah, a little lick up the crotch holes from time to time is okay, but don’t be asking anyone to shit or fart in your mouth. There are many things you should not do, and I’m listing that here, too.
Belly dancers are great at giving you a good time. Give that belly-button a go. Hey, sex can be turned into anything, especially if you’re thinking about it. That’s what she said? Did I say euphemism? Eh, I’m not doing any of that here, just don’t cum in her ear or hair. Talking dirty and having “cumversations” is a great start, but you’ll soon find her bored and will have to move on.
Whatever floats your boat will guarantee you have fun, just try not to take it too far. Too much of a good thing will become bad when you rely on it, ruining normal sex in the process. To end, there’s a good chance you may run into a married chick, knowingly or not, and they love it up the butt-hole. Give it a try, and you’ll be considered a try-hard, giving your load to a taken woman. She may even let you practice on her in more ways than one as she gives you her novice advice on life. They’re typically very experienced, but you’ll find one that knows nothing. From my experience, they’re good at telling you to stop licking them, but that’s about it. If you’re lucky, they’ll make the husband take care of your baby if you’re unfortunate enough to impregnate her.
Don’t shit on her chest or in her mouth, and don’t lick her booty hole after she takes a dump. Anything involving scat, poop, feces, crap or vomit, is strictly off-limits. Yeah, you can jerk it to transsexual or weird porn if you’d like, but don’t go too far outside the bounds of reason to where you’re jerking it to furries or homosexual porn, especially if you’re straight. Your chick may think that it’s hot, but it may cause her senses to start tingling. It’s certainly not good for anything, and it’s for sure not worth the risk.
Semantic games aside or not, being sure to rile up your partner, being a man or woman, is the best way to get them ready for the big act. Even though it may only last a couple minutes … or seconds, does not mean that you have to go straight in for the kill. The obvious stuff like doggy-style and missionary are cool, but they’re not that experimental. Counting to the number sixty-nine while performing 69 is a good start though, including leaving teeth marks around the testicles or boobs. In addition to this, you can experiment with things like anal or oral sex … you know … sodomy. Trying out different sex positions, toys and whatnot, will make you and your partner never get bored with your bland sex. There are certain things you shouldn’t do, and making weird noises isn’t one of them, unless your partner is into giraffes or tigers.
(The 10 Amazing Ways to Improve Your Sex Life) Ending Thoughts:
There you go! Now show her who’s boss. Pull down your trousers, and spin your dick around like a helicockter! Don’t be a dickie downer, douche! Farting and shit eating are an obvious no-go, but if your partner insists, you must do it … at your own risk. Learning to masturbate at a slow and steady pace without simply going for it is a good way to practice lasting longer, too. You’ve got to finish, but be sure not to finish too fast. Breast-sucking and hickeys are good, as long as you don’t “suck her blood.”
Sounding like a walrus or zebra are not recommended, and neither is throwing poo like a chimpanzee.
There are some many more recommendations to make, including making sure that the woman slowly strips down her clothes. Beyond this, you can get her into BDSM, especially if you want to dip your toes into hardcore sex practices. Like I’ve said, avoiding the “shit on dick” or “balls on chin” scenarios is for the best. Make sure that certain things are avoided, including nasty and stinky foods. You don’t want vomit on your testicles either, because this can truly ruin everyone’s day.
Making love is like making cake, you’ve always got to wait for it to rise.
If you have to, it’s always fun to make love with a married housewife in a car at a hotel parking lot. The husband may even want to watch or come and join in as you swoon his wife from her marital virginity. This is called an affair, and trust me, most of them do not know what they’re doing. This is a must — you have to listen to them, otherwise, they won’t do anything for you, period.
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